In the time it took us to drive from St Martin’s to Admiral Park, Barney was inconsolable. He was due a feed so it must be that. Even in a deep sleep he’ll suddenly come to life when he registers his hunger.
A bit like a lazy Sunday morning when you wake having slept for ten hours, birds chirping, sun flooding the room. You can smell fresh pain au chocolate baking and it suddenly feels like you’ve not eaten for two days. Ten hours sleep. I remember those days.
I was told once that you’re only meant to leave a baby up to 3 minutes when they’re crying. Whether it be true or not, I knew it had now been about six minutes so the pressure was on.
We’d made it to Admiral Park and he hadn’t hyperventilated. Phew. We parked up in the underground car park and whilst hubby headed into the shop I took a pew in the back seat of the car and fetched out our starved son from his car seat. I had emptied the contents of the cold formula into a bottle en route, I knew I had no time to waste. He ate for three ounces without too much bother. I tossed him onto my shoulder, he burped and I placed him back on my knee.
Then he looked at me, his eyes scrunched closed tightly, his mouth opened as wide as it could go and for the first few seconds nothing came out. Oh shit, I knew what was about to happen. An almighty howl echoed around the car. It must be wind? Maybe he doesn’t like the formula cold? Nappy change? Too dark in here? Think woman, think.
Hubby was back. Barney was so unhappy. There wasn’t much I could do to comfort him by this stage. We needed to get home and fast. Barney screamed for the remainder of the 5 minute drive home. 5 minutes seem like a life-time when you can’t hear yourself think. As my blood pressure rose, as did his cry. Real tears too. My poor boy. As we drove into our parking space hubby told me to change him before I fed him anymore. I did as I was told as by this stage we were both going slightly insane.
And there it was.
The culprit.
His right bollock hanging out the side of his nappy.
The tears subsided and his cute little coos began. All he wanted was to be tucked back in.
You can’t make this stuff up.
It was wrong to chuckle, I know. I don’t have testicles so I don’t know how it feels to be restricted in such a way. But hey, lesson learnt. If all else fails, have a check of one’s balls.
Barney tucked back in. 08-03-17
One Mum on a Rock 
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