Last day musings

So today was my last “official” day in the office. And nothing happened. Nothing. They asked if I’d extend my contract, to assist with handover, and I agreed to reduced hours until the end of the month, so granted I’ll be there for a few more weeks, albeit discreetly. So perhaps that’s why. But it all felt incredibly underwhelming, and I walked away feeling a little defeated by the journey.

I then took my boy to his weekly swimming lesson, and watched helplessly from the viewing gallery as he was purposefully splashed in the face numerous times by another not-so-friendly child whilst trying so hard to swim.

It pulled on my heartstrings and I felt done in.

So, with that, today has left me feeling, well, emotional. And sad.

So I meditated that shit out of me.

I sat quietly in my bedroom. I plugged in some earphones.

I stretched.

I breathed.

And I howled.

And then I calmed.

I always expected this time to be one of the happiest. Turns out, for me, it’s one filled with pondering thoughts, mixed emotions and a whole heap of gratitude.

What might life have been like for us if I’d hadn’t made this bold decision to quit my job?

What if I’d continued for another 30 years, to have a similar underwhelming feeling at the end of it?

Do others have these thoughts?

How will more uninterrupted time with me impact my boy and his story?

So. Many. Thoughts.

And moments before I left work today, I had a message from a friend asking me if there was a way in which she could stop thinking about how her Mum died everyday.

And THAT is why I have done what I’ve done.

Whilst one journey may have come to an end for me, this really is just the beginning of the next.